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The Aristocrats by Séan Poole

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  • In an ancient burlesque house the curtain rises.
    A trio of aging, idiotic vaudevillians takes the stage.
    They begin performing - tumbling, pratfalls, acrobatics.
    One grabs his balls and throws up.
    The other two produce knives and begin an intricate passing routine around their ball-juggling comrade.
    Suddenly a pair of elderly but muscular clowns with big red noses and
    Hideous smiles storm on stage accompanied by 2 chimps
    3 seals and a dancing bear.
    Stunned by the stampede the buffoons drop everything!
    But they drop stylishly and with lots of flair!
    In rapid, well choreographed movements each clown grabs a knife from the floor and
    Working with the chimps they behead the jugglers
    Passing each dripping, still grinning noggin to the seals
    Who toss them from one to another as the chimps
    Sodomize two of the headless corpses while the bear
    Dances a sort of fox-trot with third as the clowns
    Produce kazoos and strike up a moving rendition of
    "Nearer my God to Thee".
    The crowd goes wild.
    The house lights come up and an announcer says
    "Ladies & Gentlemen - The Aristocrats!"
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