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  • Spiders. Saw them thrice in two days. Once on my left hand. I felt a little bit itchy and brushed it away. Then I saw a spider on my husband's shirt and brushed it away too. The next day I saw a tiny one somewhere near the computer. Very strange. Why so many spiders? Does that mean there are cobwebs in the house?

    I looked up the ceiling and down in the corners of the house. There didn't seem to be an cobwebs. Hmm... could it be that the cobwebs are in our own minds? Am I opening a web of deceit? of pretence?

    Am I trying to shield myself from evil forces, or maybe from my other persona - the real person that lurks inside, the real me, the evil twin? The doppelganger who can't bare her soul cos the others will find out her weaknesses and her follies - will discover that behind that vacuous smile is a mask. It is the opposite of what she seems - a creature that is full of repressed anger and hate but who, paradoxically, doesn't really want to be like that.

    She's a person who gives a fleeting look and then covers it with masking tape. She smiles a Mona Lisa smile in response to someone's sarcastic remarks. Oh boy, she says, if you only knew what I think of you - you stupid piece of shit.
    Whew! thank you little spider. That was so liberating. When I started writing this piece in response to Barbara's story 'Today's totem' I really didn't know what or who I was going to address. And then I got this mail from the Holistic Healing page that I subscribe to, telling me about 'Insect totems.'

    This is what the newsletter said about spiders : Spiders are not scientifically classified as insects. But in the totem world they do walk within the insect kingdom. The spider weaves his sticky web as an entrapment device for gathering prey to feast on. Web-weaving demonstrates how we can use our creative talents in our work and livelihood. If you come upon a spider ask if you are the one feeling trapped or entangled in chaotic activities, OR are you preparing to create your own web. Spider will teach you how to break out of your stuck energies and how to weave you own personal power web.

    I don't know whether I have the power to create my own web. What I do know is that we are all connected in this giant web - making connections and interconnections with our stories, our elegies, our songs, our poems, our dreams, our fantasies.

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