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  • The house is cold. I am not happy.
    I have been over-ruled at my request for heating.

    I went to the gym today. Oh how I've missed it. I've been trying to take it easy since the fiasco at the hospital.
    But I found my way back there today.
    Smiling. I almost went and hugged the cross-trainer. I restrained myself.
    The beautiful, air-conditioned gym was actually warmer than it is in the house that I call home.

    My bedroom is particularly cold.
    It is that horrible cold that is sharp and creeping.
    One that makes you want to go back to bed, pull the covers right over your head,
    tuck you knees in tight,
    and pretend your somewhere else.
    Somewhere warm,
    on a beach,
    drowning in heat,
    lying next to Sawyer from Lost,
    he's shirtless....

    But No, I am not there, I am in this cold, crappy, dark house and it's completey pelting it down with rain outside.
    And I have crawled into bed at 6:00pm in a big hoodie, and even bigger, flufflier slippers,
    in June, in the summer.
    To make me feel even more sorry for myself I am reading a book my Dad gave me.
    Its title;
    "MEN! Where are all the Interesting and Available Men?"
    I don't think he wants a daughter on the shelf.

    Last night my brother's girlfriend came over for dinner.
    This meant that instead of having dinner on trays, on our knees, watching recorded episodes of Corronation Street, we were to act civilised.
    The "posh" table cloth came out and we sat at the table, in an attempt to give brother's girlfriend the impression that we do this every night.
    Conversation and wine flowed.
    Delia's Chicken and rice one pan dish was eaten.
    More wine. Home-made ice-cream and strawberries.

    Plates were cleared and the kettle boiled.
    Everyone went to the lounge to drink tea and let the evening slip into night.
    Mum and the Stepdad sat on the main big sofa. The mother giggling from the wine.
    Stepdad looking at her with endearment while shaking his head.
    The brother and his girlfriend sat on the opposite sofa.
    Brother had a cup in one hand and the other hand was stroking the girlfriend's hair.
    Subtle affection.

    I sat on a big chair in the corner. Hands clasped around my tea. Heat giver.
    Its not nice being 5th wheel. Yet its always been that way.
    I went up to bed and left the couples with their warmth and love.
    I got into bed, in my cold room, ice on my breath.
    Pink knitted bed socks, duvet pulled up to my chin,
    and continued to read about how to find interesting and available men.
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