I've made some mistakes this week. And I've been punished for past mistakes I'd made. It all happened at once and somehow combined to make me feel stronger.
I've never been one to be afraid of making mistakes. I own my part in them and I move on. Anyone who isn't making mistakes probably isn't working, that has always been my philosophy. And so while I'd like to kick myself and have a pity party for not being perfect to begin with, I doubt it would do me as much good as just acknowledging that I'm human and I fuck up sometimes and it's mainly me that suffers although other people can get caught in the barrage of dropped balls hopping about. I try not to kick myself for that either and make things right when I can.
What these things coincided with was receiving the finished film for Clowning Around on a hard drive from Damien the director, and being able to watch it for the first time and just enjoy the fruits of everybody's labour (including my own). It's been a long road and it would be easy to feel exhausted now and like it's finally done, but really the work is just beginning in ensuring people can connect to the material itself, it's message, and not just the people behind the scenes who oiled it's wheels to get here.
I wish I could say that when this project finally rolls down it will be finished, but actually it will just lead us all to something new. Everything in life does. This is the only thing I truly know. The end is the beginning. You will start over, more times than you ever knew you would.