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  • Who was my best friend was an ever changing event in my school days. One week it would be Katie, who had an american accent, the next Leanne, the only other girl that had red hair in my class, then it would be Christine who was super tall and sporty.

    And though I wouldn't say I necessarily ditched these girls in favor of someone else, I wouldn't call myself a true friend either. Nobody is so young. A child is a fickle and heartless age to be.

    Eventually, as everyone does, I grew out of the stage of tiring on friendships and actually found one that stuck. That was you.

    We meet in college. Same course, different worlds. You instantly made me laugh, and I remember thinking this girl is so cool for reading comics, because I was always to embarrassed to at the time.

    You quickly helped me get over that. You helped me get over a lot of things.

    We moved in together and for a while things were great. Personally we had ups and downs, but together we were strong. We graduated together and moved in to a bigger place and things were still great. But now something has happened and Im not sure why or how.

    Its been serval months now and we have decided to not live together again. We are talking again but its highly superficial and cheap.

    I will ask you how your mother is and you will tell me she's fine, but I know thats a lie. A lie not to keep me from worrying or to ensure you dont get upset thinking about it, but a lie to end the conversation.

    And it works.

    The conversation ends and you leave once again.

    I dont know what has happened.

    Really I dont.

    I wish I could fix it, but if I cant know this:

    If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have a dream or a goal. I would have settled for an unhappy life filled with regrets. I would have spent everyday wishing I could have meet someone like you.

    Your next door as I type this. You can probably hear my fingers on the keyboards and it strikes me not for the first time to abandon this and go in to talk to you...but I cant face this dissymmetrical version of us right now.

    My thoughts are suddenly filled with all those girls from my school days and how quickly we would all flutter from one friendship to the other. Unbruised and oblivious from the pain of rejection.

    Could be all it is, is that you have tired of me. I no longer fit you. And if I was young that would be fine, I would just find another but with time brings a harsh wisdom and I know I will never find another like you.
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