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  • Anyone who knows me knows my (almost) obsessive compulsive relationship to facebook. Like a good friend, it can calm me down, make me feel less lonely, and ease the pain of a hard day.

    This sort of obsession with connecting to people through the computer started when I was a teenager. I'd surf blogs, hoping to find something i could connect to. All the while, I was swimming in an adolescence filled with despair and disconnection. One day, I was clicking on the links of an acquaintance's blog when i discovered someone whose blog name had the word "mermaid" in it.

    Her blog was so colorful! (my world needed color). She was able to express herself! She talked about all of her feelings ( in my family, any time I verbalized a feeling, it felt like I was slowly murdering the people i loved the most). And she socialized! She talked about friends and parties that she went to (my world was sorely missing this ingredient, as I had too much shame to put myself in social situations). And even with this fantastic life, she still spoke about her quarks and imperfections (what a relief to see that this was my world, i was shamed any time that i expressed my imperfections).

    The externals of my adolescence didn't change much once i discovered this blog. But internally, I felt like a door had been opened, and for minutes at a time, I could experience what it was like to live outside of a small box which i spent most of my adolescence trapped in.

    Perhaps, it might be good to wean myself off of my facebook friend. But sometimes, computer connections aren't all that bad.
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