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  • I was about to write another sad story about my grandmother when my inner critic sent me this URGENT message.

    Dear Peter:

    While I am glad that you are writing again (how long has it been, ten years?), I must question your choice of topics. AIDS. Cancer. Suicide. War. A little heavy-handed, don't you think?

    I suggest you lighten up a little. I mean write something HAPPY for a change. You do want to maintain an audience, don't you? Give your friends on Cowbird a respite from your morose morbidity.

    I suggest you write about dolphins and panda bears. Or those cute otters you saw frolicking in the sea that time you went sunset kayaking (and nearly drowned).

    And what's up with all those stories of hapless romances? Do you want people to think you have a hex on your head? Romantic leprosy?

    Why don't you write about that law professor, the Finnish brainiac in New York, who spoke five different languages fluently including Mandarin Chinese and Swedish, and that time, he took you to see Rent, which had just premiered, (okay... so you didn't like Rent, and he cheated on you, but you can leave that part out.)

    Anyway, what about that HOT Brazilian guy who lived in Oakland, NOW that's a heart-warming tale worth telling ( he bored you to tears with his monologue about cars and football, but again, you can always edit, just say the guy loved Foucault and Derrida, no one will know except us.)

    One more thing: have you ever heard of proof reading? My god! Do you want people to think you are Fresh off the Boat? Did you learn ANYTHING in Mrs. Kronengold's class on grammar and spelling?

    Trust me. If you follow my advice, I am certain that you will be popular, and LOVED. Isn't it in the end what you've always wanted?


    Your Inner Critic
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