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  • When it was over
    so was I

    Coming home?
    never happened for me

    Wasn't a disaster ... just couldn't find a place
    Wrote Mom and dad..

    Heading North.. was all i could manage then

    I was washed out with ghosts
    burnt ash proof
    remembering hard to forget
    walked borders unfound
    Lines looked like regret
    looking back through me
    shortened my span of memory to what was just a second-minute-day
    spent time on my knees in forests calling for something out loud
    not there in living pain's grip

    kept hearing blame when walking wasn't a rest
    Hurt just kept the night in a loaded gun naming me
    The sharpened knife still wet in every lullabye
    Whispered towards a soul place of Silence I should meet
    in so many ways the maps refused letting go
    never came back with a right or wrong or trusted reason
    and now, it's just illusions I might tell you
    tucked in a young man's ancient skin looking back
    feeling like the White Cedars in the wind
    unable to run

    Found some Ideas I didn't know about watching the sun's sky
    Cold walk mercy signs
    devotion wrapped world ran away
    Met a guy going for a sail on the next Gaspe tide
    he wanted to tell me where
    I said it didn't matter
    rather Not Know
    Pulled away at dawn day
    eight years passed in moment's of little human plays

    There was nothing for me in drugs or alcohol
    but sometimes I wished there was. Still do
    The Ocean spoke waves that started to make sense
    Everything Obviously true
    18 days to the Azores
    got off there hearing about the shadow men of stone
    and how they flew away when they died
    wondering if we ever truly met.

    Leaving became my home
    a long time. The Dark Flame looked into me
    can't tell you about flying cipher's
    can't say how the weariness left and joy began
    but it did come one day near the counting dead
    one morning the weight left, Light found its place
    and never left.

    Today long ago
    I came home touching a true love
    An opening Space
    living next to everything


    h
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