Forgot your password?

We just sent you an email, containing instructions for how to reset your password.

Sign in

  • A little-known story is that a few days before the election, Mr Trump called a dozen trusted Republican advisers, and confided to them his intention of calling off his candidacy.

    But first, let me tell you about the film Some Like It Hot. The last scene in particular.
    In the film, (I’ll call the characters by the actors’ names). Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon, a couple of musicians, witness a Mafia massacre whilst playing in Chicago, and fear that the gangsters would seek them out and eliminate them as potential witnesses. They decide to make a run for it, and escape all the way to Florida, disguising themselves first as “broads”, to avoid recognition. On the train they meet Marilyn and her own band. Tony Curtis then pretends to be a millionnaire and chases Marilyn. Lemmon is urged to stay a woman. He attracts the attention of yacht millionnaire Joe.E.Brown. The final scene goes something like this. I am recalling from memory, so film buffs, lay off.

    Lemmon, still in his female attire gets accosted by Joe.E.Brown.
    Joe: Ah, here you are dearest. I’m gonna take you to meet mother and then we will marry.
    Lemmon: B-b-but I can’t, I’m too young.
    Joe: Nonsense my dear. I’m not as old as I look.
    Lemmon: I- I- have bad teeth.
    Joe: Mother’s dentist will pull them all out and fit you with gold ones.
    Lemmon: I snore … you’ll never have a good night’s sleep.
    Joe: I’ll wear ear plugs
    etc… Finally, Lemmon admits
    Lemmon: I ain’t a dame, I’m a bloke.
    Joe is still unfazed.
    Joe: Nobody’s perfect.

    As I was saying … : The billionaire announces his intention.
    First Republican: But Mr Trump, you can’t do that.
    Second Republican: Why on earth, Sir?
    Trump: The polls haven’t been moving in our favour.
    Third Republican: They’re corrupt. You said so yourself.
    Trump: No, really, I don’t feel up to the job. Thirty seven of my businesses ended up in bankruptcy.
    Republican: But many survived.
    Trump: They’ve found out I never paid taxes.
    Republican: Shows how astute you are.
    Trump: There’s that recording in which I’m talking about groping women_
    Republican: We’ll say it’s a Hollywood fake.
    Trump: They’re distributing copies of this: (Reads) When I run for president, I’ll do it as a Republican, because
    Republicans are the dumbest people in America. They believe everything Fox News tell them_
    Republican Chorus: But it’s true, we are dumb!
    Trump: You know I haven’t been a good Christian, have had three divorces, have committed adultery, have_
    Republican: Christians believe sinners need to be forgiven.
    Trump: I ain’t sure if I’ve repented_
    Republican: You’re not running for Pope.
    • Share

    Connected stories:

About

Collections let you gather your favorite stories into shareable groups.

To collect stories, please become a Citizen.

    Copy and paste this embed code into your web page:

    px wide
    px tall
    Send this story to a friend:
    Would you like to send another?

      To retell stories, please .

        Sprouting stories lets you respond with a story of your own — like telling stories ’round a campfire.

        To sprout stories, please .

            Better browser, please.

            To view Cowbird, please use the latest version of Chrome, Safari, Firefox, Opera, or Internet Explorer.