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  • (Yes, there should be an apostrophe. Take a hike, Word.)


    News Item: Halloween is one of those holidays that most kids can’t wait for and most parents loathe due to the high amount of unhealthy sugary candy. Many of the go-to candy brands are also loaded with GE ingredients. ~ GMO Inside Blog


    As if we’re not worried enough about our trick-or-treaters being attacked by sex perverts with baseball bats, joyriders on our suburban streets mowing them down, or rabid raccoons lunging after their goodies, we are now obliged to verify the safety and purity of every treat that passes across our thresholds. So get ready to do some serious research in your spare time before selecting goodies to distribute or allowing your little ones to partake.

    The report goes on to say “Many popular Halloween treats also have some of the most common allergens such as peanuts, dairy, soy and wheat.” Well, how do you know for sure your packaged treats are really and truly free of those things? What are we supposed to do, hire a panel of expert food tasters with an assortment of allergies?

    They also say “The American Academy of Pediatrics released a report on the link between a rise in pesticide use and childhood allergies.” I’m not surprised. It alarms me because some kids gobble enough goodies post-Hallowe’en to dose them as much as farm workers.

    One countermeasure to avoid packaged snacks they offer is to save the seeds from your jack-o-lantern (assuming it isn’t plastic), separate and rinse them, sprinkle with sea salt (plus chili powder if you’re feeling devilish), then bake with olive oil until nice ‘n crispy, and bag ‘me up. Yumm! But how do you know your pumpkin isn’t GMO? They also recommend candied apples, but not just any old ones; they must have organic ingredients and use sugar, not artificial sweeteners. Such confections may be hard to find. For most people, that means rolling your own. And think ahead to Valentines Day; instead of those awful little candy hearts, you could boil up a batch of chicken hearts. And when Easter comes around, replace those sugar-packed candy eggs with hard-boiled quail eggs, available at your local Asian market.

    Then there are alternative treats. They suggest that instead of passing out sweets, give the tykes granola bars, bags of nuts (allergy alert!), non-GMO chips (be careful of soy, wheat and those pesky preservatives). Hey, why not broccoli florets? Or go whole Kosher hog and offer up items that aren’t intended for consumption. Suggestions include stickers, beeswax crayons, polished rocks, friendship bracelets, coupons, seed packets, and homemade (of course) play dough. If you really go green and give out seed packets (non-GMO, of course), remember to avoid Morning Glory seeds, which contain a substance similar to LSD. Can’t you just see the thrill of anticipation turning into coughing fits as little ones pop some of those things into their pie holes? Do you Heimlich?

    Or, you can not drive yourself crazy and just do the traditional thing: Load ‘em down with mini-sized Snickers, Hersey bars, Almond Joys, Reese’s Pieces and cups, etc. that you can get anywhere in maximum quantities. But then, to avoid lawsuits, you should issue a disclaimer. I suggest distributing the following convenient message on little slips of paper to your kiddie patrons to give to their parents or guardians:


    WARNING: The Hallowe’en treats provided by the ____________ household may contain wheat, soy, ground and/or tree nuts, dairy, non-ecological palm oil, sodium, preservatives, genetically modified ingredients, insecticides, rat hair, and of course sugar and/or corn syrup, lots of it. Please dispose of properly and be sure to recycle all packaging. Have a happy and safe Hallowe’en!
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