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  • She has said, many times, to many visitors, that 80 was enough. After that it gets harder, things start to go wrong. Things you don't want to deal with, that are hard to deal with.

    She is so honest and matter of fact about wishing for death. Not scared. In fact she tells me that she prays every night that she'll be gone by morning. When she first said this to me I felt uneasy that death could be discussed, out loud, without a care.

    And now, at 99, she continues to wake each day and live on. She's in bed now, all day, all night. Only days ago she was, at least (or is it at most) able to sit in her chair.

    Oh, the hours.

    And now they say, her heart is failing. Her lungs are filling. They are caring for her, keeping her comfortable. They've been doing that for a long time now. They who are selfless and gentle and loving and kind. I admire that she has had the good, old fashion, common sense to let everyone know her wishes - Don't take me to hospital. Don't keep medicating my old body, for I've had enough of this. I'm ready, more than ready, to leave.

    So her wishes are being granted, however slowly. And pain, is there pain? Does fear creep in? Regret? Impatience?

    At less than half her age, I'm grateful to have heard her wishes for death. To realise how important it is to say what you want, even if you have to wait and wait and wish every night for years. At least we all know what she wants, and soon it will be hers.
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