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  • – a Self-Satire in Two Parts


    Dear Lady Jane,

    I do sometimes wonder if it is my complete lack of musical talent that has prevented me from becoming a pop star. I know, I know – that hasn’t stopped others from doing so. I guess you’re right; it probably is just an excuse for a lack of a certain kind of ambition on my part.

    Still, you can be tonal or you can be atonal in this society, but godforbid you’re untonal – that’s just too forward thinking for this lot. They’d eat you alive or - worse- ignore you to death.

    And yet, I cannot help but feel I am the theatre goer who turns away from the screen to watch in amazement everyone else engrossed in the movie. They are so unselfconscious, so innocent! And it doesn’t matter what’s on the screen - it could be superheroes defending the planet against angry animated intergalactic appliances or it could be a love story between two impossibly linoleum lovers. So glorious, yet so lonely…

    Oh Lady Shore, where are our attentive observers in the shriveled countenance of these days? And why are our charms are so utterly misunderstood?

    In sine cera and so on,



    Dear Lady Jane,

    I received your letter along with the beautiful kirtle in the post today. I shall wear both (but obviously not at the same time.)

    Thank you for so gentle a chastising for being maudlin. I, too, agree that maudlin is not an attractive quality in a megalomaniac and would indeed disprove of it in others. Well, it’s the splinter/beam rub, isn’t it?

    I also appreciated your remark that ‘we do not sing for the hearts of others, but for Beauty’s sake'. I think that is properly put and would only add that whether or not our work strikes its mark in any of the public’s organs, our true duty is to service Beauty.

    I am curious, though, about what you meant by ‘the pretentious is only Art that dares to delight on alighted wings’? I should like to steal that at some point, but worry I’d be asked to explain.

    And yes, it was The Avengers I was talking about. Dreadful dreck and dross drudged from the drafty dray-brain of dramatic drabs it was.

    I will look into posting an ad on-line for a suitable suitor, although there seems something unseemly about doing so. Have you had any luck with yours? I am entirely empathetic to your plight, for I know finding a monarch worth their weight in anything these days is difficult at best. And they do come with a such a high eviction rate!

    In sine cera and so forth,


    P.S. I’ve never understood how the translation could be so different; A ‘splinter’ and a ’mote’ – as anyone who has had either in their eye can attest – are not much alike. I wonder what else they might have gotten wrong whilst sitting on the throne of infallibility!

    [photo by Shane Convery]
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