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  • Lately, I have been thinking about my older brother and dad a lot. For some reasons, we are not in touch as much as I would like it to happen. I have made it an intention of reaching out to them as much as I can though it hasn't been so fruitful. With time difference and other 'unavoidable' circumstances, it has been a frustration not being able to get hold of my brother.

    For my dad, we have had what I would call a cold relationship since my mother choose to leave. I have worked hard to 'repair' my relationship with my dad and I knew it would take a lot of patience, perseverance and compassion on my part regardless of his choices. It hasn't been easy though a few months ago, I ask him to give reconciliation between me and him a chance and we spoke for three hours and it felt really great and unburdening. Since we had that talk, I have done my best to reach out to him, say hello and ask how he's doing. Mostly, he gives one word answers and I have been OK with that than utter silence.
    I have been hopeful and asked my guides and angles to soften both our hearts.

    Yesterday I had a propensity to reach out to my brother and after a few calls, I had no luck. This morning, I felt sad for not being able to get hold of my brother. I wished for a change of emotion yet acknowledged that my sadness was valid.

    I got to work and dived into getting things done. My current project site is a bit out of the city and the property boarders what seems like a lush ravine. The greenery in the back of the property would get any nature lover drooling. For my lunch break, I sat in the back yard, ate my lunch, soaked in the natural beauty that surrounded me and wondered what my brother would be doing, what about my dad?
    Then out of the bushes, a deer strolled onto the property and kept nibbling on the shrubbery. He/she didn't seem to care that I was there. It was a sight to behold, beautiful, grounding and uplifting, I felt a relief. In its own way, life was telling me that there's beauty anywhere and anytime we look around. I finished my lunch and thought I would try calling my brother regardless of the fact that it was late back 'home', I didn't get lucky!!! I choose to try calling my dad and after dialing his number twice, he picked up and we spoke for 10-15 minutes. He said he had gotten up to use the bathroom and was going back to sleep. Our talk wasn't about anything serious other than catching up. I asked him when he last spoke to my older brother and to my surprise, he had visited my dad earlier in the day. His (my brother) phone is broken and that's why I haven't been able to get hold of him.

    As we were about to say goodbye, I told my dad I would be calling him soon (Father's day is coming up anyways) he said OK. I was about to end the call and a thought crossed my mind......."tell him you love him" !!!. I have told him this numerous time and I never got a reply or comment, not that I expected one. Maybe its cultural, maybe he doesn't know how to respond or what to say. I said "I love you dad" in English although we were using a vernacular language in our conversation. He asked what I had just said and I repeated it in English then the vernacular language. A few moments passed then he responded......."I love you too, son". He then wished me a good day and I wished him good night and ended the call.

    I sat there feeling like it was a dream, overwhelmed with emotions and feelings I can't put words on. Good, fantastic and amazing feelings. I wanted to hug somebody, anybody, anything and whisper that no matter what, everything is gonna be OK.
    As long as I have been alive, 35 years, soon to be 36, I have never heard my dad say that. Not to me or anyone.
    I shed tears of joy and thought of the sadness that I had been feeling earlier in the day, the deer that had popped out of the bushes and the beauty that surrounded me. All I could say was thank you. Not to anyone or anything, but to everything.

    As far as I can remember, this is the best lunch break I have had. I will keep watering the young plant that is my reconciled relationship with my dad and I will tell him I love him more often.
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