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  • Maybe I’m feeling depressed because I haven’t been writing, feel as though I have no ‘real’ friends here yet, it’s the holidays and I’m alone, Dave left without talking to me, Craig is likely seeing someone else, Dennis hasn’t returned my return of his text message, Alex won’t call me – am actually not upset about that, I think I’m going to owe taxes, don’t have a retirement plan in place, wonder if I’ll keep my clients yet again this year, feel financially precarious, have no clients here, wonder if I will, am behind on paperwork and don’t want to do it, don’t want to go north but have committed to go north, don’t want to do that new client in Sausalito but she hasn’t returned my call either, feel stupid for having shared too much of my single exploits with Amy, wonder why she snubbed me today, am thinking about how unfair life is, miss Paddy, wish I were wealthy, know I could be if I’d write and finish my book, wonder why I don’t, wish it were warmer and longer days, haven’t invoiced the stuff I have left to do, feel as though I’ve wasted so much time this past month, wonder why I haven’t heard from volunteer hospice I applied for, my house needs vacuuming and dusting, my allergies are acting up, my kids are far away, worried about Kevin’s long flight, wish I could help both boys more, no date for New Years and likely won’t have one, haven’t walked the beach enough and all kinds of other things.

    Maybe I’m feeling happy because I am not with the wrong man, my house is cute and cozy, my garden is coming along nicely, I belong to a great club with wonderful facilities, I can afford my daily life, my cars work, I have nice neighbors, good food, potential for lots of business this coming year, great clients, time to write, physical health, boys are doing well, great landlord, I’m not over weight, live in a great neighborhood, can walk to the beach, my hair is growing out, was able to give some to charity this year, have a plan for volunteer work after the holidays, can see that when I finish this book I can market and sell it, have been wonderfully kissed by two nice men this year, am still not unattractive, have ortho appointment next month that will be interesting, am getting back in shape, have a life full of possibilities and even though I’m not young, I am not too old to dream new dreams, have friends in Marin and am starting to make friends here, will be celebrating a year of celibacy and…in spite of the disbelief of friends, I did it, have a new year of opportunities and excitement ahead, am a talented writer, designer and business person, have done a lot of inner work this year and while I’ve had a few setbacks, mostly I’ve moved above and beyond many of the things that have held me back in the past, I have reconnected with my soul guides, helped friends, been a good friend and daughter and the best mother I can be given the distance and age of the boys, can allow myself to be vulnerable without being destroyed, have regained much inner strength and emotional health. I am moving onward. Yes.
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