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  • I want to get rid of this
    But fear more the purge.
    A war between two worsts:
    The purge
    Or keeping it inside.

    I am so cold and the garden is gorgeous.
    Light rips me apart.
    Wind soughs from all seven directions,
    And the worst is the core,
    Where nausea, a thrashing fish,
    Silently revolts.

    Last week in Sacred Circle,
    I expected more gorgeousness, but
    The Vine Intelligence, El Senor Yage, ordered a purge.
    In that context, it is considered that
    La Purga is work you do for yourself
    And for the group. as well.
    I was not allowed to refuse, at any rate.

    It came on me like that despite assiduous fasting.
    Even weeks of sacrifice did not suffice to fool it away.
    And anyway, the Vine cannot be coerced.
    Eternity, and then
    My cracked open face,
    Searing rend inside my chest,
    Contraction, expulsion that produced --
    From nothing, you understand
    Quantities of strangely shaped clarity.

    I feared to look at it because I knew it, too, was beautiful.

    I tell you I beseeched Tomas to tell me not to go again.
    Instead my shaman asked,
    Do you really want to keep that in?

    And now, today, at this anticipated festival of sisters,
    I am holding again:
    The designated purger.
    Who gave me this job?
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