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  • i wish i could put a word to describe what is wrong with me.
    i wish a doctor would say that they have a pill or a shot that would make me all better.
    i wish it was normal to be like me.

    it is difficult to go through the day and be perfectly fine one second and ready to crash your car the next. i know its not normal to have as many suicidal thoughts as i have and i've tried to stop. it doesn't work. i have picked up little hobbies to take my mind off things when they pop up but a scarf can only fascinate one for so long. most of the time, i just sit and ponder over worthless things, trying to make myself feel better to no avail. you have to want to be happy to be happy. this is horrible but i'm not sure i want to be happy.

    i feel like happy people are disappointed more often than not. i feel like happy people are just being fake with their happiness. i really don't want to be fake. i am scared to be happy. this is the only place i can admit that. no one around understands that i'm not ready to be happy. i just am tired of being upset. i would settle for content. do they prescribe drugs that make you content?
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