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  • As we were moving to Scotland we had to dispose of most of our furniture.

    We could not sell our couch that had so many evoked so many memories for me because of the new fire safety standards instilled by the government.

    Our son had often come home from school and fallen asleep on it whilst watching "The Simpsons".

    Our nephew had found to his delight that the couch was long enough for him to stretch his six foot tall body out on it; and felt trustful enough to doze on it all day when he came to visit.

    Our middle daughter had sat on it with her first serious boyfriend when she thought it was time for him to meet her parents.

    Our oldest daughter had told us she was getting married whilst sitting on it; and my son had thrown up on it when he came home from late night partying.

    With a heavy heart I found an advert in our local paper that announced "Eco friendly disposal of your furniture and fittings".

    I phoned Harold up and he said he was free to come round immediately. He parked his large van outside our house and I opened the door to see his vast body fill the door frame, shutting out the sunlight behind him. I showed him into the front room and introduced him to our well padded wooden framed couch.

    He scratched his head. "How am I going to get this monster out of the house?" he asked me.

    I left him to puzzle out how it was originally brought into the house and phoned my husband to ask him to come home and help lift the couch. Then I heard a terrible, high pitched, whining sound and smelled petrol. I rushed into the room and found a distressing scene.

    Harold was bearing down on my couch with a large noisy chain saw in the middle of the carpet with a big grin on his face. Saw dust flew everywhere and the television trembled.

    "Great idea eh?" he asked beaming proudly.

    "but, but..." I spluttered and ran to the back of the house to get away from the destruction.

    Suddenly there was a large crunching noise. The chain saw stopped whining and Harold was swearing. I entered the sawdust strewn front room to find Harold mopping his brow.

    "I didn't realize that I would find a metal frame under the upholstery! Oh well this will have to do."
    And he half carried, half dragged the destroyed couch, whilst the last half flapped like a broken wing hanging off the metal frame forlornly.

    I opened all the windows to get rid of the stink of petrol and poured myself a stiff drink.

    Harold returning for his payment asked, "Anything else you want cut up?"
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