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  • Two girls, as different as night and day, who would change my life for many years to come. Forever, really, because once you’re changed, you can’t go back to who you were. You keep moving forward to who you are becoming. Everything you experience becomes a part of who you are.

    They met us at our new house, with the keys. They both had a clean, natural vibrant beauty, but there the similarities ended. Mary was a little older than me, long blondish hair, sort of a Joni Mitchell look, while Martha was younger, maybe 15, with raven black hair, also long and straight, and with stunning eyes. More of a Joan Baez type. It was Martha’s old house, and Mary drove her over to give us the keys.

    They would be the first two people I knew in the town, and in the school. I was very interested in Mary from the start, and she seemed to be interested in me. I would drive her to school and back, and she showed me some great places in the area. We went for drives in the forests of Massachussetts, just a little ways up the road from Windsor, where she showed me her favorite swimming hole up there.

    I played it cool, at first, figuring that I didn’t want to rush anything with the first girl I met here. I hadn’t drinken or used anything since we moved, and talking with a girl without being under the influence of anything was kind of a new experience for me. I was beginning to see my drinking and drugging days as a phase I had gone through, and now was maturing out of.

    She started talking about the upcoming prom, and I told her that I wasn’t really into proms and that sort of thing. What an idiot! When she asked me, on one of our drives to the forest, if I was even interested in girls, I realized I had probably played it too cool. I was now certain that she was interested in me, and figured I better make my move, or I was going to lose the opportunity.

    So, I made my move. “You know, maybe I will give that prom thing a try…” My next line was going to be to ask her to be my prom date, but she immediately jumped in and said, enthusiastically, “Oh, great! I know the perfect girl for you to take!”

    What?!?! I had misread her intentions all along? Damnit! This was all an elaborate plan to set me up with some loser chick? Oh, brother! What a fool I am! But, now it was too late to back out. I went home that evening and broke out the joint that my friend Darrell had sent me in the mail. This situation required a little “perspective”! It was good stuff, too, so I got good and wasted. It was strange, after having been straight for a couple months at that point.

    She took me over to introduce me to her friend Judy. She was actually very nice, and pretty, but I didn’t know her at all, and there really wasn't much chemistry there. But, I was stuck, and couldn’t back out now. What a mess!

    Several couples were going together, and one of the guys, Kevin, who was familiar from the Pilgrim Fellowship meetings that I now went to regularly, thanks to Mary, pulled me aside on Prom night and asked me if I got high. “Yeah, sure”, I said. He handed me a hit of mescaline, and I took it at once.

    It made for a very strange night. I have no idea what I was thinking taking that mesc in that situation. It really messed me up inside. I was used to fun trips - everytime I had done acid or mesc before, maybe a total of 5 or 6 times, it had been hilarious, funny trips with my friends back in Pittsburgh. This one was much, much different. Very serious. Very surreal. Trying to act o.k. and like I'm having fun, when inside, my whole inner-world is falling apart. Feeling like a stranger in a strange land.

    I somehow managed to get through the night without acting too strangely, but it was a very bad trip. After months of being straight, and slowly becoming more confident on my own, without the need for outside stimulus, this was a major setback. I felt like I had blown it. Poor Judy - I can't imagine that I was any fun to be with at that prom.

    After that, I went deep inside, and the deeper I went, the more I didn’t like. I was on a downward spiral that would take me into my first experience with the dark world of depression.
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