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  • I make more money, but feel that I have less than ever before.

    This isn't a zen "make more have less" thing (if that's a thing. probably not). I'm working the 9:30 to 7, or 9, or 10:30 and, for the first time, supporting myself and my mature American adult lifestyle. But for some reason I feel like I'm losing. That I have less.

    I have less to say. I have less time. I have less attention. Less skill, ambition, talent, freedom. Less resolve. Less creativity.

    The feeling of loss is something that I've been trying to reconcile with growing up, and taking heart in my! But more often than not, I feel opaque. And empty at the same time.

    I still have amazing days—they outnumber the bad ones 6-1. I have my relative health, family only a few thousand miles away, I get to do incredible stuff, and I have true passion. Every week is something cool...and I keep running to catch it...or running to catch up...or running away. Somehow it feels like each of those great things is just a refrigerator magnet. Chaos populating a once pristine surface, void of any greater vision or inter-connection.
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