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  • My house is an ever-changing museum of artifacts and objects used during an average day in suburbia.

    I serve as both Director and Curator, and my three daughters as Exhibition Designers. In room after room, they use their free-spirited creativity and ingenuity to build exhibits that are as awe inspiring as they are head-scratching, even going so far as to install several items on the floor for added authenticity. And though I am sometimes tempted as Curator to insert myself into the process, picking this up here, putting that there, I am too busy with the administrative minutiae to follow-through.

    Though some exhibits change daily while others promise to be permanent fixtures, here is a sample of items on display today:

    1.) Grass Girl: a decorated disposable plastic cup in which grass seed has taken root, and the resulting grass blades styled into pig tails. This object comes to our collection from a local preschool where our youngest exhibition designer gets WAY too many curious artifacts.

    2.) Discarded Dust Buster: representative of the variety of cleaning implements used during an average day, this Dust Buster dangles precariously close to the edge of a kitchen bar stool, nowhere near its recharging console. It was last used 12 hours ago to suck up residual dirt after aforementioned Grass Girl was carelessly dropped during breakfast. After repeated warnings.

    3.) 2-Step Utility Step Stool: artfully positioned askew to the breakfast counter as a visual symbol of our youngest exhibition designer’s can-do, problem solving attitude. For instance, instead of simply titling the cereal bowl toward her lips to drink the leftover milk this morning, she instead chose to elevate herself via the step stool so that leftover milk could be sipped through a just-procured-yesterday, brightly colored ‘bendy’ straw.

    4.) Discarded Gym Bag: this gym bag provides evidence of a male's presence on the premises, though he is rarely seen during regular museum hours. The item is normally stowed out of public view in the laundry room, but was today thrown into the spotlight when our youngest exhibition designer needed the 2-step utility step stool underneath.

    5.) Booster Seat Backrest: Lying in wait outside the basement door, this last vestige of toddlerhood will be laid to rest in long-term storage as soon as I have another reason to go downstairs. Though a more befitting celebration for it’s removal from the minivan had been planned for later in the month, it was unexpectedly taken out of rotation earlier today when the seat belt became twisted in the seat's goddamn plastic-molding. Again.

    6.) Swim Noodle Fashioned as Star Wars Light Saver: procured from a child's ultra-coordinated Star Wars-themed birthday party worthy of documentation on Pinterest, this latest dress-up implement lies on the entry way rug, where it can be easily kicked aside as needed to gain access to front door, and therefore runs little risk of being put elsewhere anytime soon.

    7.) >10 Discarded Vitamin C Drop Wrappers: though the exact number of drops consumed is not known, this museum director thinks the high consumption may indicate an additive personality to be wary of in future years.

    8.) Pillows: hardly remarkable were it not for the sheer quantity, varieties, and number of random displays.

    9.) Markers: see above description of pillows.

    10.) Scrabble Game Board: abutting the central hub of all family activity, the home computer, this classic board game was recently unearthed from a basement storage closet last week when I became determined to post a story on cowbird and use scrabble tiles in the accompanying photo. It will no doubt remain neglected until I convince someone to play with me, or our beloved cleaning lady puts it somewhere so obscure that I might as well kiss it goodbye.
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