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  • I was missing from the picture because I was a "love" child,in those days a bastard,not a swear word but the word to describe a child born not in marriage but as a result of a brief love .
    Throughout my life I have fought against the urge to ever fel love,to ever fall in love.Always fearful of the result,the sheer dread of using love of even dreaming of it,but never feeling hate either.To live in a world where nothing must ever be in black and white but always a murky shade of grey.To never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone or thing but always to give not receive.To do anything to avoid love.
    Imagine the horror of suddenly realising that it was happening,a feeling for someone beyond mere liking,a feeling of wanting to be a part of that persons life,of wanting to share your life,your fears and every moment with them.Of trying to block it out and get away from it .You feel you must fight this monster before it engulfs you ,before it becomes a part of you.You try standing back and looking for a way out.
    There is no way out,you know there is no way out,you are i love.This is the one moment in your life that you have dreaded for so long,you feel love for someone and they feel the same for you.You must now decide,although you know your heart has already made the decision,how to cope with this strange feeling.
    To attempt to reject it woukd be losing a part of you,but,in accepting it you must add a part to you.
    I am in love and it hurts ,is love supposed to hurt?
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