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  • there are two extremes i have found and one and the only truth.

    the first extreme is my behavior when i'm feeling sad and kind of rejected. then i'm trying to focus everybody's attention on how desperate i am, how many problems i have and how bad my life is. the aim - everyone is to feel involved and guilty. instinctively i want them to see how miserable their problems are in comparison with mine. in this case i end up with apathy and being alone.

    the second extreme is when i'm trying to make people believe how wonderful my life is although i'm feeling down. this is like a race for the supreme. i'm usually beginning to show off. like i don't care. like i'm fine. this case ends up with me hating myself.

    and the truth is that i'm a pure egoist.
    my egoism makes my life, my behavior and myself depend on the others.
    this is irritating but i can't keep up with it.
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