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  • I found myself googling the internet for breast cancer and the technique for self-examination today -- my self-denial having been shaken by the news of my colleague. We all do, don’t we? At least I do. I ignore the practical advices given to me because doing the routine self-examination is like giving myself a routine reminder of the terrifying disease.

    My subconscious is fighting against me even as I am writing this. It’s telling me that every moment that I spend typing this is taking me closer to the disease. Not that I have know many with the disease. Throughout my life, she is the second person with the disease whom I have a firsthand contact with.

    I feel extremely selfish. I want to symphatise with her but instead I am feeling sorry for myself; what happen to her can happen to me. I am certainly not immune. What is real to her now can be real to me. When I think of her little boy, I can’t help but think of my own children. In the end, it’s all about me, me and me.
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