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  • I knew my grandparents, and great grandparents were dead. I knew furthermore that they had been gassed, and exterminated like vermin.
    It was difficult to face a world like that, so I made one up. One where God sat on a white cloud, and passed out goodness . Sitting at the Passover table, I wondered how to explain to everyone, that I had a way to change things. It was so simple, if I told the Nazis about God, and all that love, they would surely, stop their hateful ways.
    That world served me well until I was eight, and then the darkness settled in. There was so much darkness and fear all around me, that it stole my sleep, and kept me awake most of the night. I began to understand that the demons were out there, and that no God could stop them.
    The world of fear, and darkness lasted about twenty years, or so. I began to ask a lot of questions about angels, and demons. Carl Jung spoke to me of light and darkness in the real world. I began to unravel the ball of yarn that I had been spinning into my life. I began to create a new tapestry.
    Incorporating the old threads, and adding ones. I could no longer hide in the lie that God would save me, or that the Demons would destroy me.
    Somewhere in between all of lifes experiences I began to discover that life is what it is.
    I have the power to make small changes in the small nano space I occupy in this Universe. I have the power to learn from the past, and to recreate the future. I am growing up...towards the light. Sometimes struggling with the temptations of the darkness and fear.
    I hope to stand at the place where my Grandparents died like vermin, and stand tall. And I hope to say out loud...here I am. here I am.
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