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Looking in a mirror by Lili Nealon
 

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  • Conversation in the nursing home. Mom, 88 diagnosed with dementia, looking straight into my eyes.

    Me: “don’t be sad, mommy; if you are sad, you are going to make me sad, too”

    Mom: “not you, you are never sad, you were never sad. You always brought happiness with you wherever you went. It was probably because you never shared your pain and sadness. So you woudn't hurt others.”

    Silence

    “Maybe it would have been better if you did share, otherwise, you would not have those tears in your eyes”

    Me: "are you talking about you, or me?"

    Mom, sighing: "maybe I am talking about myself"

    What conversations do you recall between you and your mom?

    Mirandose en un espejo
    Conversacion en el geriatrico. Mami, 88, diagnosis de demencia , mirandome fijo en los ojos.

    Yo: " no te sientas triste, mami; si estas triste, me pones triste"

    Mami: "no, no vos, vos nunca estas, nunca estuviste triste. Siempre trajiste felicidad a todos. Probablemente porque nunca compartiste tu dolor y tus penas. Para no hacer mal a los otros.

    Silencio.

    "A lo mejor hubiese sido mejor que compartieras, porque si no fuera el caso, no tendrias esas lagrimas en los ojos".

    Yo: "estas hablando de vos, o de mi?"
    Mami, suspirando: "A lo mejor de mi".

    Te acordas de algunas conversaciones entre vos y tu mama?

    Photo taken in August 1968 of me and mommy. Me, on my way to Junior Year abroad in Paris.
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