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  • Recently, I am becoming more and more nervous.
    I can feel it.

    When my friend shouted at me "You are becoming so nervous, I can't stand that! I have enough problems myself" I was shocked not because that he shouted at me but because I realized I am getting nervous for no reason. He just was giving me advice that I won't be able to go to the gym after walking some distance that will make me tired. I was insisting I can do it. He is a bit stubborn maybe. He likes to hold his argument and watch you getting pissed off for him to know to how extent you disagree with him. But that has absolutely no reason for me to lose nerves that easily.

    Usually, I used to control myself by playing careless about everything that happens that makes me angry. But now being careless is actually what makes me very nervous. I want to care or maybe get cared for.

    I want to shout as loud as my vocal chords get bloody exploding.

    10 minutes ago I was playing Fifa 12 online and lost a silly virtual football game, I got nervous. The last time I remember this happened was in high school. What made me nervous? Is it because of a silly football game??

    Definitely not.. there has to be something else.. politics in my country? hmm.. why would I care already? I am not living there now and basically I am not really helping either.. just tweeting bla bal blla bla shit... Sarcastically, it's making me nervous now to compare my sissy "nervousness" story to an egyptian whose son was shot dead by a sniper in tahrir square ... It's like I am finding any reason to keep myself nervous!! There are usually lots of reasons... it depends on how much you are aware of what's going on around you or to you.

    There's a difference between ignoring your reality and facing it. Sometimes, I know I am nervous but I just don't want to control myself. Because fuck it you know! The world should hear me shouting and do something about it. How many times did I try to calm people who got angry at me? LOTS! .. So can't people bare with me now??

    Sometimes I wish I was ignorant or without any dreams ..
    But I can always advise people... that's what I very good at .. The wisdom of nonsense .. and my advice this story is :
    Try to achieve your dreams around a place and people who can bare with you, support you and stand your nervousness ..

    Go to hell, bitches.
    I dont want to continue this post, I am angry already!
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