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  • Some of the best of the most terrible ideas I have occur when staring into space, on the verge of drooling onto the tablecloth.

    The phone rang and someone else answered, but I could tell from the conversation in the other room that it was a pesticide company calling to inform us that our neighbors on Pristine Prairie Lane or Old Orchard Circle were going to get a treatment some time very soon. We get phone calls like this all the time because we the family in the House of Abundant Dandelion Love signed up to be notified every time someone within a one mile vicinity of us hire on a mob to kill the fluffies.

    Kill the fluffies. Where we live that is the rule. And I was thinking as the address of the neighbors was repeated aloud and jotted down (the companies kindly disclose the address to us so that we can know exactly who needs to be educated about cancer and Parkinson's and not being so dang uptight all the time… not that we ever do, we just suspend breathing when passing the toxic place on our bikes) that the whole ritual of answering, jotting down the address and hanging up was pointless. It has no effect in discouraging people from spraying their lawns. (I have strong feelings but I hate preachy people so I will spare you further explanations.)

    Terrible idea: What if our neighbors who hire the companies had to call everyone on the notification list themselves? Person to person.

    There are many things wrong with that idea, such as proof of having called everyone. The poison-users would have to check into city hall, receive a list, make the calls and at the end get the proper voucher for getting chem-nuked.

    It'd never go over. A terrible idea!

    There are so many other terrible ideas in that sketchbook on the table.

    Preserve the freshwater for drinking, bathing and cooking…Salt water toilets!

    Closing down the freeway for one day every year just so that people can walk down it to see how it feels to get somewhere on foot.

    The Papercut: A one scene 4-hour musical in which the protagonist receives a paper cut on their pointer finger. (And nothing much else happens but high drama and soaring music!)

    Picture: Recent view from the freeway.
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