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  • Some mornings I wake up and feel that my life is empty. I rush to fill those hours with appointments, coffee dates and life admin before my afternoon shifts begin.

    When I have nowhere to be, I set my alarm early and hope to shake myself out of the house and into the world-beyond-bedroom so I can remember how to live.

    On many days I ask myself what I should do with the heavy luxury of time on my hands. I have a life to live, but I feel that I need to know what the meaning is before I get started.

    My counsellor asked me, what is the purpose of your life? At the moment, I believe that it is understanding myself and finding ways to share this self-discovery process with others.

    'Is that a good enough purpose?' I asked, 'Will people find that useful?' It seems like such a self-involved task, a privileged white middle class person's idea of contributing to society. But perhaps it is okay that this is my purpose for now.

    On my way to work after counselling I rode past these words, graffitied on a fence: KNOW THYSELF. I stopped to take a photo, read a text message from a friend about holding her newborn nephew in her arms, and decided to sit in the long, warm afternoon light in the park around the corner from the Stanmore house where I was born, twenty-five years ago.

    Every day I will dedicate small tasks to the higher purpose of self-understanding and remember that my life is rich and full. I can create the feeling of abundance and harvest for my heart. I, alone, am responsible for this.
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