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  • Nineteen years ago my daughter went into rehab....
    a drug addiction..
    meth, crank
    a hideous drug with no redemption...
    it took a year or so of chasing her and saving her and throwing her out and taking her back before she got the help she needed and went into a 30 day program and then a halfway house.
    She was 21.
    She fell in love with a boy in rehab.
    He was just 18....
    He'd had a hard hard life and my daughter is a fixer....
    she thought she could fix him....
    She stayed clean but he did not...
    the dr. said he was perma-spun...
    his mind spun from to much meth...
    and they in their infinite wisdom decided to have a child...

    I was in the birthing room when my grandson was born...
    we have a bond...
    me the first to hold him
    he and his mom live up on the hill
    I am who he comes to...
    when he needs a hug
    when he needs a grandma
    we are close
    love, love
    big love

    His dad went to prison early on...
    I can't even remember why...
    when he got out he got religion
    Pentecostal no less...
    even became a preacher...
    but one day he denounced it all because God never gave him what he wanted
    a life with my daughter...
    so he did just what came next
    he took on a life of crime
    became a little famous as one of five top car thieves in the county
    they sent him back to prison...
    and then they let him out again...

    He's been in and out of my grandson's life...
    trying to do right
    trying to be a dad but not
    he just couldn't get it down
    yes, there was love
    they had a bond...
    thin but yet that tread..

    When my grandson was 6 he got a stepdad
    love bloomed between them
    but last year his stepdad moved out and at 17 he felt fatherless
    he told me one day
    not too long ago
    that he wished he had a dad...
    someone who'd stay with him
    I heard the hurt in his heart
    something I cannot heal
    there are not enough hugs...

    Saturday he told me he had been calling both dads
    but never hearing back...

    Today, this morning, just a few hours ago
    I was awoken with at 7:14 by a rat tat tat on my door...
    immediately my heart clinched...no one wakes me up at that hour with good news
    never...

    My daughters standing there her face red and swollen
    tears
    she can barely speak
    last night my grandson's dad was shot by someone
    in the face
    dead....
    it felt like I was dreaming
    surreal

    She had few answers
    there were no answers
    but she had a question
    how oh how does she tell her son...?
    his absent dad who he loved and prayed for
    was dead
    a violent death
    just like that he's gone

    Shane came down to see what was what
    ready for his ride to school....
    I can hardly write these words you know
    how do you tell these things to a boy
    except to say it...violent deaths can't be softened
    he didn't believe
    it made no sense...
    dead he asked?
    bewildered
    dead?
    what do you mean ?
    dead?
    dead??
    REALLY?!
    and then he cried...
    big strangled tears...
    gasping for air tears
    and as I held him
    he asked one question...

    Why didn't he ever call me back?
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