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  • when i was younger, i used to hate the moments that made me feel small -- having to go to church when my parents told me to, being rendered virtually catatonic when giving presentations in 4th grade due to my extreme shyness...and just plain being shorter and skinnier than all of my classmates (my family nickname was 'bony monica'). feeling small meant a lack, an inability, not having a say.

    many years later, i find myself wanting to feel small. i love not knowing what's coming next, what next month or next year might bring. i love standing on top of a hill or a mountain or in front of a campfire and feeling the possibility of a fall and the power of heat. i have a new home now, three months old, in san francisco -- close enough to mountains and sea that i can sometimes take huge gulps of air and admire the largeness of what's around me and savor the smallness that i feel and the awe that it creates in me.
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