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  • As you may know or not know I was born blue....baby that is. Our blood was not compatible Ma and I. So in the Docs profund I mean profound wisdom....Ahhemm Mrs. ...... in my humble opinion breast milk for this boy especially big, giant, the kind of bees where you unbutton just one button and blam where did New Jersey go? We know these things mam after all we are Doctors. So little "Eddie" will best be served with Infamil or simulac or barfitbak.....yuck! So here I am, alone, and neglected for 2 weeks in the hospital. Finally I come home, expecting the Hindenburg, or something smaller. Instead, I am given a sometimes hot, sometimes cold, mix of whey, wheatgerm, cornstarch, and well you get the picture.

    Fast forward 25 years later...

    After our second Olivia ahh what a beauty...was born, a problem occurred. I tried the b-milk before when our first was born somehow me no like.

    My wife came to me with a problem...honey? What? I mean softer tone...yes dear? Can you help me? With what? My left breast is clogged and I've tried the pump and still clogged. Well.....can't you do anything else? I don't know and it's starting to feel uncomfortable. Me mumbling to myself why didn't she buy that electric pump ahhh!!! Well what do you want me to do? Just lay down here...(clothes on)... and we'll get a bowl, and suck till it unclogs. Me thinking to myself ehhh uhhh I don't want to do this. So I lay down and she opens her blouse and blam Hawaii is in our living room. Kidding but she is ample. So I begin to suck and suck while she squeezes. Suck and spit, suck and spit. I sucked so much my jaws were hurting. Finally I mustered all my superpowers and gave one last suck. You've heard of old faithful? Well we struck oil, white oil that is breast milk, the nectar of the gods.....My wife let out a sigh of relief and thanked me I said thank me later....u know what I mean.

    Transformation

    I don't know what suck it happened on but it did. My somehow dead taste buds to breast milk came forth like Lazarus. When I was rewarded for all my suck I tasted it again and a monster was born. A BreastMilkMonster. I want more. My wife next thing you know is pulling these things away from me...hey, I wasn't done, remember me I waited 25 years for this? At every juncture she takes em away...gotta save some for the baby....baby, what baby? This big one here? I've read about the subject, it said, the more I suck, the more you make, so, I am increasing production here not depleting it! Somehow my wife never saw my strong need. She always said, I am not your mother. I know, I know. Yuck I don't want you to be my mother....how bout mothers helper, or surrogate mother, or anudder mudder wit 2 udders. Well, needless to say. we both survived that season. And I still like breast milk today.....rubbing my jaws.....)
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