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  • I'm 26 years old.
    I have had Doggy and Teddy since I was born. Brown Bran was a later arrival, their cub.

    Doggy has a yellow scarf around her neck, because I literally hugged her neck off and my mother would sew new scarfs on him, to stop her head from falling off.

    Teddy has a music box inside him, but it has long since stopped working from one to many washing machine cleans.

    Brown bran is only starting to fray, but he's still the fluffiest.

    They always go together.

    They're not always in my bed, by my pillows. I don't always fall asleep hugging them.
    But there are nights, when I can't sleep, when i'm sad, when i'm alone in my bed, that I pull them to me, and place them in a specific order along my arms and cradle them. I bury my face in their furs and take a deep breath. They smell like home, honesty, safety and above all no bullshit. They know everything about me and just absorb it all. Their smell makes it easier to forget the nighttime terrors and thoughts that can plague us even beyond our childhood.

    When I was a kid, I once forgot to bring them on holidays and I cried for a whole day. I imprinted on them years ago, part of myself and they are part of my support structure.

    They are something I treasure. I used to imagine that when I woke up in the morning and they were on the floor by my bed, or in a different place, that they would have had walking family adventures when I was asleep, like something out of Toy Story.

    Is that why i'm single?
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