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  • My father has always had the tendency to unconsciously suffocate possibilities. He does it very skillfully and if you are not an experienced pilot, your plane will undoubtedly underly the turbulence and possibly crash. It's infectious I must say and I am still curing myself from it. It manifests as - doubting the existence of physical spaces he is not familiar with, doubting your understanding and knowledge in a certain area, your capabilities, intentions, the premise of a simple situation, reality and the adjacent possible. The doubt is aroused by anxiety and fear of failure. Here is an example.
    I visit home with less frequency and the reason being is my inability to not react to that doubt and almost unsurmountable barrier built by him. In this last visit I really wanted to break the pattern and do something different - a family vacation in a new destination, adventurous outing, random picnic or something that we have never tried before to do as a unit. So after a short visit to a friends house, my brother suggested instead of taking left on the curvy road up on the hills North of Skopje, to take a right and head out to a place he knows of that has a breathtaking cinematic view where my Mom can finally get the family photo she's been wanting for for a while now. After a short quarrel my father agrees on taking right and for the next 20min we are experiencing and sharing with him the space of impossibility: there is nothing ahead of us, you are mistaken, that canyon does not exist and if it does its in the opposite direction. And then we got there and had a great moment that did not last for too long, because he was rushing to head back to the city before it gets dark.
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