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  • Aren’t you tired of chopping up pieces of your life to turn into passwords and usernames? What about those “security” questions? Do you really want to disclose the name of your favorite teacher, your sister or your best friend?

    What if you have three best friends, never had a pet, hated all your teachers and can’t remember where you held your wedding rehearsal dinner? What if the high school you went to no longer exists ? What if you didn’t graduate from high school? What if you don’t want to mess with your dreams by typing puLitZer!23 every time you log on?

    I have 103 online accounts all greedy for some of my substance. Most of them are lazy and don’t care if my best friend dies and I have to find a new one. Most of them don’t ever ask me to change anything and some, like my neighborhood barista, don’t want me to change anything.

    But. Death by a thousand passwords.

    I have decided to stop being an earnest idiot. I am going to reclaim my life by creating a designated passperson. Wanda.

    Help me Wanda, help, help me Wanda
    Help me Wanda, help, help me Wanda
    Help me Wanda, help, help me Wanda
    Help me Wanda, help, help me Wanda
    Help me Wanda, help, help me Wanda
    Help me Wanda, help, help me Wanda
    Help me Wanda yeah, get them out of my heart

    With apologies to the Beach Boys, I’ll let you know if this works.
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