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  • I'm torn lately.

    ~

    I read a lot. People say, "Do this," or, "Do that."

    "Listen to what I say." "This is a good idea." "This is a bad idea." "Do what I do." "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

    "You should create more meaningful work." "Strive for great things." "Give value to the world." "Uphold your brand promise."

    "Work harder." "Don't give up." "Don't trust pleasure." "Feel the fear, and do it anyway."

    ~

    I reach frantically, like a drowning swimmer, for the things they tell me are good. The things that are supposed to save me. But they always seem to elude my grasp.

    Meanwhile my hands are full of buoys so cracked, so water-laden, that they pull me to the bottom with them when they sink.

    ~

    I beat myself up for failing to achieve everybody else's definition of greatness.

    I learn - slowly, over the course of a lifetime - to close my ears to the only voice I can actually trust. The voice that speaks my own truth.

    ~

    I'm torn lately.

    ~

    Drawing: Reaching for the Stars (wax crayon and collage on paper, 2012).
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