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  • This week was for some reason tough. I had a nightmare every night about being attacked. One night the nightmare was about being attacked in my home again. I ended up leaving the house to the back yard and found all these dead bodies were strung up in the trees. One of the bodies fell down and I found she was actually still alive so I started to untie her and help her get to her feet as the perpetrator started to come towards us very angry that I was helping her and she was still alive. Then I woke up. Last night I had a nightmare that I was captured in a small room and two men were throwing knives, axes, pieces of wood at me. I froze because I had no where to run and decided to stay still, curled into a fetal position, feeling my stomach tighten and luckily not a single thing hit me. Then I woke up.

    This week I helped someone else through SuperBetter also. While being conscious about their thing that they need to quit worked for them, the more I thought about when I was saying something that was negative self talk (“I would have…”, “I could have…”, “I should have…”, “I’m sorry”, “I feel bad for…”), the more I ended up doing it.

    This week in therapy I talked about someone at work I find I’m standing up for more and more now that I understand why she does certain things. I need to do that for myself. The negative self-talk and guilt go hand in hand. I feel guilty about doing something for myself and standing up for myself because it may not benefit or interrupt someone else. But, I need to do things for myself and not worry about how it impacts someone else. I am human too and deserve to be treated like everyone else.

    I also discussed how I use exercise as a way of coping or a way of avoiding dealing with things that bother me. It’s the one thing I feel like I have control over. And I may over do it sometimes. This week’s therapy session was probably the first time I just ranted for 5 minutes or so about things that bother me instead of just avoid them. I felt a little out of control, but also that it was a major break-through in some way.
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