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  • I want to put every spice in the world under your pillow at night
    to preserve you and your heart
    I want to bury my nose in your armpit and inhale as deeply as I can
    over and over, to remember the smell
    and then be reminded of you when I use cumin
    in everything
    I want to lay my chest on yours
    and hear you say
    hear you say that
    that you, you
    love me
    (I’ll even take what I can get)
    I can’t believe you made donuts with me
    and rushed around unpleasantly to ship them all over tarnation
    before the post office, your favorite dinosaur, closed for the day
    do you even know how long it takes to make donuts?
    of course you do. you made them with me.
    I want to hear you talk about books. forever.
    forever would be good.
    why wasn’t forever good for you?
    what was not precious enough to not be alone for?
    mostly, I want to know
    where the little bag I planned to deposit on your step
    with your considered letter in it
    so I can remember which Jeanette Winterson quote
    about knowing the self
    not to believe
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