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  • I never know what to write. I want to create something unique and beautiful to satisfy my unrealistic standards. Those standards have hounded me through last 15 years of my life. I can't honestly say that I know where they were conceived. This plague of self-doubt, self-adjudication, anxiety, and morbidity just seems inexplicable. I find myself never completing the things I truly desire to.

    I go to sleep every night wondering if tomorrow is going to be the day that it all turns around. Some days I wake to be productive, however, these days are sparsely scattered amongst patterns of days or weeks at a time where I sleep for 16 hours and then lay in bed for the remainder. My productive days are waking up before 10am, drinking coffee, and walking the dog.

    I make list after list of what I need to do and all that comes more anxiety. Eventually it becomes overwhelming and I just stop. I magnify, filter, mind-read, see in black and white, personalize, and catastrophize every would be issue.

    When it comes down to it, I'm scared. There's so much depth to that one 6 letter word. There's so much to tell, but I can't logically put it in hard copy. That, my friends, is just the horrible truth. My mind buzzes with a plethora 0f thoughts that fog my mind. The only thing I can do is scribble, or type about the conglomeration of shit.

    I don't know where to go from here, but the tomorrow I am at least stepping out my front door. I promise myself that.
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