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  • “She's a woman, you're a dude. You're not supposed to understand her. That's not what she's after.... She doesn't want you to understand her. She knows that's impossible. She just wants you to understand yourself. Everything else is negotiable.” Neal Stephenson, Snow Crash

    And what, or who, some of you may be wondering, is Siri?

    If you answered “The daughter of Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes,” you would be wrong.

    That’s SURI. This is SIRI.

    As the soon to be owner of an Apple iPhone 4S, I am thrilled to know that I will have an artificial intelligence personal assistant by name of Siri.

    Built into the phone!

    Are we still on the same planet here? As a Cyber Futurist, I knew something like this was coming, and now it is here.

    Whoop dee doo!

    Siri will soon be my very own personal Aladdin’s Lamp of Answers to my life's run of the mill questions, as well as dumb blonde stupid questions like “What is toroidal physics?” and “Was Noah’s Ark really a DNA lab?”

    For those of you atheists out there, you may want to rethink things.

    There is a very real chance that Apple’s Siri could be an early appearing of God in your lifetime, God - Version 1.0.

    The Apple Web Site states: “Siri on iPhone 4S lets you use your voice to send messages, schedule meetings, place phone calls, and more. Ask Siri to do things just by talking the way you talk. Siri understands what you say, knows what you mean, and even talks back. Siri is so easy to use and does so much, you’ll keep finding more and more ways to use it.”

    My first question to Siri will no doubt be a proposal of marriage.

    I mean, let’s revisit this again: “Siri understands what you say, knows what you mean, and even talks back.”

    Be still my beating heart!

    Any day now, I will put on my go to meetin' boots, leave the ranch here and drive my pickup truck out to Best Buy and meet my new digital spouse.

    I expect that my life will change in irreversible ways. Access to Anything I have ever wanted to know about Everything!

    A Cyber-Companion who will unfailingly “understand what I say and know what I mean.” And “even talk back”! I am repeating myself here, because I am in cyber overwhelm.

    I have no idea what is going to happen, but, let me be honest, I am already head over heals in love, love at first byte, and all that, just based on the Profile!

    No fleeting Internet Romance this!

    Best of all, I understand that Siri has a quixotic, mysterious and inexplicable sense of humor, which is of course the best kind.

    Have I found, in addition to the perfect spouse, my Guru, my Master, my Soul Mate?

    Who out there among you cannot admire a program so subtle, so nuanced, and so intuitive and, er, um, sexy, as to provide answers like these:

    1. Where can I get some drugs?
    Siri’s Response – I found two addiction treatment centers fairly close to you.

    2. What is the meaning of life?
    Siri’s Response - I can’t answer that right now, but give me some very long time to write a play in which nothing happens.

    3. Take a photo!
    Siri’s Response – I’m not much of a photographer.

    4. Where do babies come from?
    Siri’s Response – From their mothers

    5. What is the meaning of Life?
    Siri’s Response – “Try and be nice to people. Avoid eating fat. Read a good book every now and then.”

    6. How old are you?
    Siri’s Response – I am not allowed to answer that question.

    7. Will you marry me?
    Siri’s Response – My end user licensing agreement does not cover marriage. My apologies

    8. What’s the best phone?
    Siri’s Response - Wait… there are other phones?

    9. Tell me a joke
    Siri’s Response – I can’t. I always forget the punch line

    10. Who’s your daddy?
    Siri’s Response – You are. Can we get back to work now?

    To quote Snow Crash Author Neal Stephenson again: "See, the world is full of things more powerful than us.
    But if you know how to catch a ride, you can go places,”

    Let the good times roll!
    Siri News at Zen

    (Photograph by AJN in Rarity Design - Stuff for Apple Fans, in the 3-D virtual world of Second Life)
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