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  • I had a revelation last night
    during a quiet, drawn-out fight that threatened to break.

    (Murmurs of distant thunder, initially soothing, clarified into misplaced fractures of violent passion, hitting everywhere but the center of the target. There's more collateral this way, which must be how we like it.)

    I've never been afraid of a man cheating on me physically. Just emotionally.

    Maybe that makes me arrogant. Or maybe the opposite is true.

    What is the opposite of arrogance?
    From an academic standpoint, I would say insecurity, but I'd be wrong.
    Because I feel both.

    If I were to rank my practice of the seven deadly sins, over the course of my lifetime, it would be as follows:
    1) pride
    2) jealousy
    (One must have pride to be jealous in the way that I am jealous; my arrogance means I think I deserve something that karma knows that I haven't earned: regardless of wishes and work, the vicissitudes of life hit everyone. "Why me?" can [and should] be answered with "Why not you?")
    3) lust
    4) rage
    5) gluttony
    6) sloth
    (Lately, I've been practicing gluttony and sloth more and more. They are easier to accomplish alone than #3 or #4, and, if anyone notices at all, they evoke pity or disgust rather than retaliation.)
    7) greed
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