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  • In a building with two floors and an elevator (no stairwell)...

    I am lying in a dim room.

    Woman: So your doctor sent you here because you took a blood test and one of your thyroids is bad?
    Me: Well, low I suppose.
    Woman: Mmm, hmmm! Hypothyroidism! So common among girls. So common among caucasian girls.
    Me: Really?
    Woman: Caucasian Girls in the midwest.
    Me: Why's that do you suppose?
    Woman: Well I don't know.
    Me: But surely you have your suspicions.
    Woman: I really can't say.
    Me: But surely you have your inklings, conspiracy theories. We all have our conspiracy theories! Don't you?
    Woman: Fluoride.
    Me: Really?
    Woman: Oh yes. Every child now gets regular fluoride treatments from their dentists, and in it's in our city water. Every city water in the midwest.
    Me: Well good thing I don't use fluoride t-
    Woman: Just look at the periodic table sometime and you'll see it is radioactive. It can't be any good. Now I'm going to rub some warm gel onto your neck now.

    The woman rubs some cold amphibian mucous onto my neck and turns off the lights. I think about how everything worth knowing about comes from word of mouth these days.
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