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  • This is the cause of the acute panic that I'm experiencing right now. A kind of panic that happens to me only rarely, but I feel completely helpless over.

    Maybe this has happened to you too? I've lost (or my computer has lost, I'm not exactly sure who or what is at fault here) a file. It is a part of a song I am recording. It is simply gone, vanished. My heart is pounding, and my head feels light.

    It strikes me that a moment in time is lost to me forever. A moment that I will never be able to recreate. My voice will never waver in that exact way, and my instrument will resonate in different air. And this terrifies me in an altogether irrational way. The idea that creation could be entirely circumstantial seems too big and empty to contemplate.

    Of course, I will re-record the missing piece. Maybe it'll be even better than the take that I lost. And I will be the only one to ever know that the song could have sounded any differently. Still, the task fills me with such dread that I feel incapable of it, even though I know this feeling is only temporary.

    For now I play the broken song, over and over again. Listening for a phantom. I stare into the abyss. I know this is probably not healthy. But I can't seem to stop...
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