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  • Perhaps I will begin with my dying. I will begin with fear. i will begin with my body trembling, from my toes to my scalp, and the fear it seeped into the marrows, this bone chill, this fear, and the weeping, i don't know when it began, but i knew that i was sobbing, spittle, and snot, drenched in sweat, i was dying, and i knew the only thing that could save me was love, and the voice of love, it said, let go, let go, let go. . .

    And I did.

    And when I did, what i found was only love, love pulsing in every cell of my being, my body dissolved into this burst of gold light, and this bliss, it was overwhelming, i began to cry, this time, the tears, they were tears of gratitude, how i could ever forget i was love, and this love, it was eternal, it could never die, it was always being born, for then i understood that death did not exist, death was only love reuniting with itself, and this love, it was everywhere, it was the sound of the frogs bellowing their songs at dusk, it was the vision of pink dolphins swimming in a tobacco color river, it was the warm scaly skin of an anaconda, it was the musky perfume of the earth after a rain storm, this love, how could i have forgotten who I am ?

    And then I began to laugh, this cosmic mirth overwhelmed me, this cosmic joke!, this eternal game of hide-and-seek, the delicious friction of life, what a sacred vow, to forget and to remember, love had scattered itself in every leaf and stone, in the spiral of a galaxy, in the shell of a snail, love was always reminding itself of its oath never to forget itself, and here i was in the jungle, in the Amazon, and the shaman, she was singing to me, her dulcent songs, the ikaros, it was the medicine for my heart, it was the key to my amnesia, i was being born, i was dying, this is the dance of eternity, and the shaman who was singing, she was my mother, she was the midwife of my death, she was source of my life, i was singing to myself, long ago, now i remember, before i had a face, a name, i had vowed to return here into the jungle, the jungle of the world, the jungle of my psyche, i had vowed to remember love, and now i remember, i remember. I am Love.
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