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me? afraid? by Turtle
 

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  • I've been feeling angst...
    free floating stuff...
    so I went up on the hill today....

    I don't go up there as often as I did when my beautiful and loving, lovely Great Dane Maia was still alive. She demanded we go even when it became increasingly hard for her to walk.
    She loved the hill and sitting in the sun.......I loved being with her.
  • I decided to walk after I read Hops dedication to me.
    It reminded me of the wisdom on the hill....
    the whisper..
    so I walked up there today with my little dog Shylee....
  • I sat in the old chair
    and watched the clouds
    a flicker came and talked to me
    I listened to the wind
    and I remembered how this place settles me...
    there is nowhere else I feel so clear...
    and I asked myself about this fear
    this unsettled feeling
  • I've been hearing so much about it....
    fear
    how Americans are feeling terrorized
    how it's the number one thing we fear
    not the economy
    not the rising cost of food
    not our poisoned food
    not healthcare
    not if the mortgage will get paid
    not the unemployment rate
    not the bought and paid for media
    not climate change
    not our militarized police
    not the closing of the internet
    not the continual loss of our civil rights
    not the talk of torture
    not the wars and rising cost to support the military complex
    not the killing we do in the world in the name of democracy
    not ww3??

    our number one issue according to media is
    ISIS and Muslim refugees
    it's the thing that keeps us up at night...
    and I wondered about myself
    and I got quiet....

    I know I carry fear...
    I wanted to see what it was really about...
    could it be I really am afraid of Muslims
    and of ISIS killing me or someone I love?
    I'm I just being politically correct or in denial when I say I'm not...?
    I know I'm afraid of something about America...?

    So I poked my worried spots...
    like one does when looking for the source of a toothache...

    I admit ISIS is scary...
    very...
    but I don't feel threatened
    I poked around a little more and I found the place where I do become afraid...
    I'm afraid of hate mongers
    I'm afraid of the candidates who are running for the highest office in the land on the Republican ticket....
    and I am afraid of the media who props them up
    salivating at the horror of the racist, bigoted, violence inducing hate they drip with....
    It's frightening to me to hear people at Donald Trumps rally's saying Heil Hilter...
    I thought about who in my family might be put in jeopardy by this spewing...
    and I saw my grandson at school
    and my daughter at a concert in Berkeley
    or heaven forbid either of them at planned parenthood...
    and I realized it is white disenfranchised men and boys who scare me the most...
    the ones who have easy access to weapons
    and are looking for someone to blame for their problems...
    or looking for a headline...or just plain crazy...
    and I'm afraid of the debates tonight...
    I'm afraid they won't touch on the things that matter so much to my family and friends..
    I'm afraid of how far will they go to push for war
    to push for walls
    to push for more guns
    to push for more surveillance...
    to push for more policing of the internet...
    to push their agenda to serve wall street...?
    I found my fear....

    but I believe in US...
    I have hope
    we are waking up
    going inward
    we won't be the haters
    and we won't allow it in our name...
    will we??
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