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  • Too long have I explored the self alone, thinking only I held the magic key to the portal within. I forgot about mirrors, and the fact I have such a hard time looking into them. Unconsciously avoiding the vulnerability of intimate relationships I found myself in a series of unfulfilling and frustrating scenarios with men. I couldn't understand why I was attracting the same sort of unavailable male, when really it was I who was unwilling to face the vulnerable places within. These men were safe in their unavailability, they didn't question my hiding because it suited their purposes, it suited the unspoken lie that we were safer here anyway, together but very alone.

    But when you find someone whose eyes pierce into yours, that hold your gaze with a calm, steady sureness you find almost unnerving, you have found yourself an equal substitute to a mirror, perhaps even a better one.

    Is it possible for someone to see you even more fully than you see yourself?

    Yes.

    Our doubts, fears, misconceptions, self-criticisms, etc. veil our true selves from our selves.

    But in love there are no walls to hide behind, or at least fewer of them. We become vulnerable because we cannot hide from the mirror without the mirror noticing. The times we turn away, they are held tenderly. Simply by the presence of the other we are called back to ourselves. We are made aware of the places we want to hide, the places we want to curl up in fetal position, eyes closed, wishing the world could just disappear for a while.

    Still there will always exist a private self. Even if we reach the level of being able to intuit our partner's thoughts, we are still separated by bones and flesh, only our eyes can have this particular vantage point in the Universe.

    But I wonder…just how far down this rabbit hole am I willing to go? Am I willing to be seen, am I willing to be held in the dark places and the light? Am I ready to commit to this journey of wholeness?
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