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  • worm in my apple

    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 1!

    strange, I know
    but, really
    I mean, certainly
    I wasn't born to suffer
    not so much, anyway
    to have pain cover me like Velcro
    that's right, gripping Velcro
    and there's much more, today
    pain lives in me as a parasite
    from top of skin without tone
    right down to marrow of bone

    this constant nausea as if seasick
    if the brain could vomit, it would
    that delirious roller coaster, yuck!
    going around in circles
    perpetual circles
    doesn't feel like an optimal orbit
    off tangent and straight out
    could be very good route
    landing smack in the centre
    before the Big Bang is to enter
    before all the ensuing messy stuff
    the stuff of life, this stuff


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 2!

    though I'm not a bundle of joy
    but a grotesque ball of pain
    I know I wasn't born to suffer
    still, here I am, again and again
    in reckless waves, a puny buoy
    just a Lilliputian in lion's den


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 3!

    deep in my heart, eternal
    this sweet little voice
    tells me, no!
    not so!
    "you're supposed to have choice"
    "you're innocent, aren't you?"
    "you weren't born to suffer"
    "you're heart is absolutely true!"
    still, here I am, again and again


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 4!

    it feels I'm being driven
    driven to madness
    lunacy from inside out
    like I'm going to explode
    into millions of pieces
    any moment the TNT node
    how long can I sustain this assault?
    when will it subside?
    ya, sub-side?
    not even that, not even
    but merely, say negligible
    in this world of mostly tears
    nay, many tears and fears
    is that, ha!, conceivable?


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 5!

    religion warns you dearly suffer
    for your sins, yes, you must suffer
    it's only your fate, destiny or karma
    others point to maya and samsara
    some say it's bad luck, misadventure
    the lot of a whole ocean of humanity
    look around, close and not far
    billions of people, they affirm
    just like you, in these terms
    live in common the bizarre unity


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 6!

    many insist it's your fault
    your damn fault
    you! you're to blame, imagine!
    blamed for all the suffering


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 7!

    all the same, I assert that's hogwash
    bunch of crapola, if you ask me
    I repeat: hogwash and more hogwash
    it's nothing, nothing but eg(g)o in the head
    in my steady heart, not the bobbing head
    I know, I know I wasn't born to suffer
    there's no way, not me!


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 8!

    something must be way off
    something has gone wrong
    awfully, undoubtedly wrong
    went off track, bloody off
    took fork of road, again wrong
    the compass was misread
    got the wrong map, instead
    the sign posts, yap, missed
    somehow got all confused
    like a Neanderthal banging around
    to plainly discover in his surrounds
    what's soft and hard for the head
    should he stay or take off
    slow to change, slow learner
    even the raven cawing
    outside every morning
    by my bedroom screen
    already knows he's become
    my smart, midget rooster
    that's it, isn't it sucker?
    no, I wasn't born to just suffer
    but, here I am, again and again


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 9!

    though the train of joy derailed
    almost right from mortal beginning
    and through wreckage I'm stumbling
    though I may navigate forever here
    between islands of madness so sheer
    bays of beauty, foggy and distanced
    in raging tempests and stormy seas
    never quite the shores reaching
    of most desirable happiness and peace
    I know I wasn't born to suffer


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 10!

    maybe it's enough to catch the glimmer
    the faint glimmer, yes, of sunrise
    on the horizon of reality-disguise
    maybe a sign of hope and promise
    no, maybe that too is part of the grander
    illusion, or perchance I haven't traveled
    past the mist and clouds in the journey
    I'm only peering through a tiny porthole
    I'm barely peeking through a wee keyhole
    perhaps I need to change lenses, you see
    I really don't know much of anything
    but, this I know for sure
    I wasn't born to suffer
    not extensively this way
    still, here I am, again and again


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 11!

    can somebody strike some matches
    even light one candle from trashes
    let my dull eyes pierce the darkness
    an itsy-bitsy, enough to rest effortless
    upon the magic world a child sees
    would you?
    could you?
    I mean, don't you get exhausted
    doing and doing everything
    yourself, every single thing?
    you do, don't you?
    I know I'm not alone in this
    why do we suffer like this?
    surely, we weren't born to suffer
    no, not born to suffer


    =>school of hard knocks: lesson 12!

    wasn't I once a cute little baby
    with nothing but big, bright eyes
    a bowl of giggles, purely sweetened
    OMG, how the past gets rolled!
    giggled at the world, an infant
    maybe, for a very long instant
    everybody is born for laughing
    like a Buddha always laughing


    =>school of hard knocks: end of lessons!

    Copyright 2015
    Graphic Image: Jorge A. S. Pereira
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