I saw you last that summer, that last summer before my life drifted away down another stream.
Was our love just an eddy, a whirlpool of passion, twisting circles of desire and rejection?
Yes, it was, wasn't it?
It could never last. We were lucky we never sank, although we came close. I felt the waters cover my head, even as my head dripped with sweat from your and my lovemaking. Whatever fire there was was subsumed in those drops, fast cooling as we flopped side by side, touching and not touching. Exhausted and drained. Love twirled into hate and bubbled back to love. Over and over, floating downstream and never settling.
Never again have I matched those passions. Never have I really wanted to, even as they tug. An undercurrent threatening to sweep me off my feet.
I guard against that now.
I learned how to love with you. Not just physically, but with open and raw emotion. I saw the vast and swallowing sea in front of me, saw it, and turned away into shallower waters.
I paddle now. An older man's paddle. I like it like that. You are gone, swept away. We made each other a little. I'm glad we did.
If she tells me all she knows
About the way her river flows,
I don't suppose
It's meant for me.
Nick Drake "River Man" paraphrased.