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  • It had been a long, long time since I had a really bad one. Since I met him my PTSD nightmares have decreased considerably and I had forgotten about the screaming ones until a night a couple of weeks ago. Apparently I had one of those kind. I vaguely remember trying hard to cry out for help and not being able to... a familiar dream I had when living with my abusive ex. Well, I did cry out. He woke up and it took a while to calm me down. He kept telling me I was with him and said his own name again and again...I did calm down and he thought it was done but I started screaming again.. I don't remember this but I do remember being held against his shoulder and feeling stress leave me. I guess he did hold me that way and I did get back to sleeping quiet that time. That is the way I fall asleep most every night since I met him. I feel safe with him, stretched out warm against his 6 foot 7 inch frame, my feet don't even reach his feet and we are comfortable together. He has had a very disturbed past, more so than myself so there is an understanding between us. We fight through disagreements and misunderstandings so we can hold onto what is good, what is rare. We have enough years on us to know a very good thing when it's there.

    That night shook him up a little and he has been more considerate and gentle with me than he usually is. I had told him before that it may seem like I am sleeping but there is a lot going on in my head and body and sometimes I wake feeling very tired and drained, like I didn't sleep at all. He said that now, after that incident, he has a better idea of what I go through.

    It doesn't seem fair for one man to have to deal with the damaged aftermath that another man caused. But he does, and I am grateful.
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