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  • I was in a small space. I could hear the sound of the beating of my mother ‘s heart blending with my own tiny heart.

    I felt so alone in the place where I should have been so happy. I sensed sadness coming from my mothers’ heart. I felt fear trespassing the wall of this cell call uterus and covering my little body. I felt danger and I tried to talk to my mother with my mind” I want to live” “I want to see the sky and the trees and touch and love the animals” I was holding with my hands not formed completely at that stage from this cord that united me from my mother. I did not receive any other reply but fear. I felt in a few occasion a force so strong that was trying to pull me from my little space and then stopped and I stayed there just waiting for a chance to live.

    Finally the day arrived where I have to face the world. I was so used to be in the little place with walls close enough to touch. Suddenly I was been pulled out of my safety and I landed in a strange world where everything was alien to me. I did not feel joy or a celebration or a welcome into this world. The faces were serious and I felt that this was the beginning of my path on Earth: Loneliness and rejection.

    Life has been a reflection of that moment in my life. I always looked for situations or people who will punish me because I was not good enough to come into this world. Years later my mother told me how she wanted to have an abortion when she was pregnant with me. I did not hear the words with my ears but my soul was crying every time she told me the story..

    I am sure she had a difficult time. I am sure she did not have other choice, but how can you explain to a child soul that it could have been much better If he never came into this world.

    I had been in this world for a long time. The paradox is that many years later when I decided to go back from where I come from, it was always someone stopping me and I have to stay in the place where I was not supposed to be: Life.
    I walk in the forest of my lonely thoughts. The shadows walk with me everyday and people will look at me as a majestic specimen, beautiful, secure, and confident. They cannot see inside me. I built a fortress around myself to show a different movie . I am still in the uterus of my mother feeling not the love but the rejection. I am still in the time of my life where I started and I ended at the same time: my birth
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