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  • As I was hanging up the phone I had a sudden urge to say, “Bye, love you.” I was surprised by the confidence and completeness with which those words materialized in the back of my throat. I wasn’t really sure if I meant them, and even if I did, I knew that I certainly did not want to say them—so I swallowed them.

    I wouldn’t be lying if I told him I loved him. I love curried lentils, I love my dog, I love afternoon thunderstorms, and I love Moscow Mules. I guess I love him, too. Yet, to tell a real living human being that you love them carries greater weight because it expects reciprocation. I could tell my peanut butter sandwich that I loved it and I don’t expect it to love me back.

    Sometimes I wish I could tell people I loved them without the expectation of them loving me back. Shut up! Listen! Don’t you dare respond! Just let me tell you why you’re so good!

    I loved that you noticed when I was going through hard shit and talked to me while I was confused and incoherent.
    I loved that you offered to make me a cup of coffee whenever you made one for yourself.
    I loved that you asked what I thought.
    I loved that you were honest even when it was painful.
    I love that you still pick up the phone.

    Do I love you? How could I not.
    Would I ever say it? My tongue would never allow such a thing.
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